Darth Vader VS. Japan's Cops

This is going to be the funniest thing I'll see all week, end of story.

Oh, and they made another one (linked so I don't kill you connection):
HERE

Random postings from the web! (Cue The Twilight Zone theme!)

Volume one of... of... I have no damn idea, but here we go anyway.

Surfing a website about comic books, there was a thread about all the invulnerable characters that have since become to be, and sitting amongst all this discussion was this:

"But Superman is interesting for his internal confilcts."

GREATEST POST EVER!

(Just to put this out there, NEVER talk to me about Superman unless you feel like having one of the geekiest conversation of your life, and maybe one of your longest. Seriously, I could do weeks worth of postings just breaking down and anyalzing what makes up Superman. Yet I'm digressing, back on topic!)

WHAT INTERNAL CONFILCTS? Is he strung out about that one birthday party he missed because he had to go save the world? Does he get all sad when he thinks about his superdog that ran away to the planet of dogs? Did he get ketcup on his cape and he doesn't have club soda or something?

Last time I checked Superman had internal conflicts like Michael Jackson had a nose! I do know that DC have tried to, and failed to, give Superman some internal conflicts in some of the recent comics; the reason DC failed is because when you do stuff like that it's supposed to drive the character in a whole new direction, and Superman is still the same old person he was like FIFTY years ago!

That's another thing too, the first time he appeared was in (very) late 1930's meaning that this character is around seventy years old, and to top it off he's barely changed since he first came around. Hell, even his costume has barely changed since his first incarnation!


Seriously, check that picture out, it's pretty much the same damn suit he's wearing today; and since we're talking about Superman, I souldn't have to tell you about what he wears. Just face facts folks, Superman has NO interal confilcts, and if he does the are generally retconned during the next storyline.

I could probably say more, but ... I'm going to kill this (for now) before it gets out of hand.

It's called the sun, use it.

Quick post here, do any of you people turn on two lights in the middle of an already overlight room? If so, why the fuck do you do it!? Don't get me wrong here, out of all the things I could hate you for this is at the bottom of that list. It's just that when a room is already well lighted, why do you need to turn on a huge room light to make it just the tiniest bit lighter?

What is the logic behind that? I've heard of people turning the lights down to get in the mood. Yet when a room is already adequately lit, and turning on any "extra" light doesn't do anything, why do it? It's like, "Gee this entire room is already covered in the warm glow of these fluorescent light bulbs, and even though it's already overly light in here; I'm going to go get my desk lamp and turn it on so it can do nothing."

I can understand turning on an extra light if you just so happened to be stuck in that one part of the room that gets bad lighting, or for those dark nooks and cranies. We're not talking about saving energy here, this is just about one of those nervous ticks of people that just don't make defy the mind to explain them. You know, because if having that light on is just so important for you, than turn the other light off and keep that one on!

Excuse me do you have Jimmy Hoffa in a can?

I'm a liar, no really I'm a liar, maybe it stems from the fact that I tell the truth so much and yet a lot of the people I meet in life never seem to believe me. The big irony of this is that when I tell someone a lie, they interpret it as the truth and they might even get a laught out of that. So please pardon my misanthropy, but most of you people are full of shit. Even you that bastard, probably nodding your head in agreement in some odd attemt to make yourself fell better than everyone else, is probably just as full of it as everyone else that I've meet.

Take a hunk of dirt floating in space and then add about a few billion morons, that, right there, is the world as we know it. Hey, there is nothing wrong with being a moron if the burden having a clear and coherant thought is just too much for you to handle. Wouldn't want you to expand that void you call a brain, or for you to actually learn something, now would we?

Check this out, I got fired from my job, like three months ago, for some shit that was actually my managers fault. Do you know what though? It's all cool okay, because I would rather give a hemroiding tiger a rimjob than go back there. My mananger could give me an unbelievable Angel-killing blowjob and I would still not go back to that job, they can fuck off!

Gah!

You see after spending a year here, I've found out that people down here seem to have been dropped on thier head a lot as child. So cranial damage notwithstanding, I've meet up with, okay... um... let's see, drug addicts, thiefs, quite a suprising amount of racists, people who appentaly don't have enought sense to stay away from thier own shit (literally, as in the shit you find in the toilet), people who live in a place where calling it a landfill would be a compliment, smiling shits that don't have a brain cell between them, some guy with with a little bit of kleptomania, people that drive two blocks to the McDonalds, and some guy with a fake-fucking-vagina; for no tour of the idiots of the universe would be complte with a sex toy. I'm just getting started folks, that was just after one year of being here, try asking me about the people that I've meet during my life. Yeah, you'll get some brillant fucking answers then. Okay, I have nothing against how some people decide to get thier yarbles off, but, just what exactly is fucking wrong with you people!?

Also check this out, these people have been fucking with me for the past year, and well, as of right now, I'm about two months away from being permantely kicked out where I am. Which is Hi-fucking-larious because some of that shit is actually thier fault, and everything anyone ever tells me as to how to "solve" my problem is shit that I'm already doing. For, hey, after all, I'm the just the liar who tells the truth too much.

Game Review: Doukutsu Monogatari (Cave Story) for the Mac and PC

Cave Story (featured on the right) is the tale of an amnesiac guy, and the plight of the strange animal creatures called Mimigas as the Doctor slowly takes them away one by one for his experiments. The amnesiac, not having much choice in the matter, is soon thurst into the confilct between the Doctor and the Mimigas. Only thing, is that the Doctor is a lot more sinister than he seems to be.

Cave Story is the result of more than 5 years of work by a Japanese team called StudioPixel and was later translated by fans into English. As you should be able to see, is NOT a 3D game; it's a 2D game reminiscent of older games. Despite not having all the current "flair" of games like World of Warcraft and Dead Rising, Cave Story is game all it's own and you should check it out if you have a chance. You see Cave Story is an independent freeware game, or in other words, this game was made by a group of people for fun and you can download it of the web (and I'm going to say this twice so you get the point) completley free, COMPLETLEY FREE! The best part of all this, is that Cave Story is a lot more awesome than it needs to be; I'll break down what makes up the game.

Controls respond like a charm, the only problem about the controls are that they are permanetly bondend to the q,w,a,s,z,x keys and the arrow pad (the only way you can change the keys is to use a joystick) and yet the keys being binded like that isn't even much of a problem.

Graphics, you know there are a ton of old 8-bit and 16-bit games out thier and Cave Story still finds some way to make it's dated graphics feel new and unique. Character animations are nicely fleshed out and, save for some recolors, each character you meet has thier own little quirk to help identify them.

Sound, again paying homage to the older days of gaming the soundtrack is comprised of your typical, somewhat scratchy, SNES style music. You won't find a Orchestra here, or the catchy Super Mario Bros theme here, but the tracks still have thier own unique charm and seem to work real well. However, I'm going to leave most of this one up to you, because if you don't like the music you can always turn the sound off.

Final thoughts, I would like to fill you in as to just WHAT to prepare yourself for when you play Cave Story. Cave Story is actually kind of easy and simple when you start out, but don't let that fool you, the game has several moments that are just outright hard, but not impossible. Anyone should be able to pass them with a little perseveriance, and you are givin a very generous amount of time to get used to the game before it really starts to get harder. In fact, some of the really hard moments of the game don't even happen until your near the end! So don't be put off by the fact that it may seem to easy, or too hard, just give it some time because, after all, it's not like you paid money for it or anything.

Cave Story is a very good game, it's light on your computer's memory, it's free, it's available for both the Mac and the PC, and with three different endings it's sure to keep you occupied for some time. So the only thing you have to lose by playing it, is some time. So what are you waiting for? Here's a site that has everything you'll need to get started:

http://www.gameflaws.com/cavestory/

I'd put up a direct link to the downloads, but I'm afraid I might kill someone's bandwith already.

Give it a try, and if you like it tell your friends. They will probably thank you for doing so.

Can't save shit captian!

So today somebody directs me to this article and since a flame war has already started in the comment section of the article, and for the sake of NOT adding more fire to something that doesn't need it, I'm not going to give you a link to it.

Yet the basic premise of the article that we, as consumers, should buy subsidized technology (technology that costs less than what it takes to make it), regardless of cost or what you actually need, because every time we do so, we get back FREE bits and pieces of hardware! Even though there might be a way to pay less and still get the same results, we should be taking advantage of this subsidized stuff because the companies are giving us FREE hardware we didn't pay for, and may not even need, YAY! Hell, you may be spending up to $100 to $200 EXTRA on the hardware covered, but at least you got some FREE useless hardware that you probably won't need. Yeah that was pretty much the point of the entire article. Oh, and he used a Latin phrase in the article, fancy, isn't it? And all the more reason that I feel that this poster deserves the beat down their getting. Come on, they idea was ridicules enough, but trying to make it seem intellectual and well thought out by using the Latin phrase was what sealed the deal; they were just asking for a big Internet Punch right in the face.

Think about this for a moment, you’re going to pay more than $100 for something that has a whole bunch of extras that you won't use, or will never need. Yet your supposed to buy it because your getting back free hardware; since the company losses money when you buy a subsidized product. What - the - fuck? Something tells me that paying $100 EXTRA for something that you don't even need in the first place it isn't exactly free.

Secondly, why should you buy something that you don't want in the first place!? Because you're getting more useless extras than what you pay for? What sort of shit reason is that? Are you the sort of person who never passes up a 2 for 1 deal or something? Listen when I go into a store to buy a DVD just for the movie, I don't hock out extra money for the extended two disc version with all those extras, because I just want the fucking movie! If I don't care about the Director's Commentary, Blooper Real, or whatever the hell else might be on there, I'm not going to shell out extra cash to get the DVD that has it, since I'm only buying it to watch the movie.

Thirdly, just because something costs less than what it takes to make it doesn't mean we should be taking advantage of it. Especially when it costs more than something that is pretty much exactly the same shit and is the same quality; only it costs a lot less. What sort of American ideal is that, if you pay more for something it is always inherently better than what costs less? It's like that moment from Dead Poet's Society:

Student (reciting): "If poem B is larger than poem A, than poem B is the better poem"
John Keating: "Rip it! Be gone, J. Evans-Pritchard, PhD!"

Are you honestly that insecure about people thinking your poor that you pay, a lot, extra for stuff that you don't even need, just to prove to them that you can afford shit? Listen, when I pay extra for my Insta-Noodles instead of Ramen I know what the hell I'm paying extra for, and I'm paying extra for something I want, not something that I don't need. When I pay $10 for noodles and soda at one restaurant, instead of $3 on McDonald's "food" the chefs make clear why their food costs seven dollars extra. Yet when you pitch out more than $100 extra on something that is pretty much the same product as everything else, only it's being sold for more than everything else; how is the fact that it's being sold for less than what it takes to manufacture it, make it such a better product?

It's like when I go shopping for paints, there are these little, dinky, travel-sized tubes of paint that can run into the $11 range depending upon what color you need. While sitting next to it are these Jumbo sized tubes of paint (larger than a tube of tooth-paste), that have the exact same stuff and they run for about $9 regardless of color. I don't buy the little ones because the cost represents something extra that I'm not getting with the large sized tubes; I know that each tube is exactly the same, save for one difference, their size. Also I purchase the larger sized ones not because of the deal, but mostly because I get extremely short-changed when I buy little sized tubes of paint. For I'm just curious as to what demands a 5 dollar increase in price over a change in shade from Primary Red to Red-with-just-enough-yellow-thrown-in-to-
make-it-look-like-a-completly-different-color-but-only-if-you-squint.

Welcome to Earth, how long have you been living here?

The Earth itself is huge, and that is the most blantantly asinine you could probably ever say. A lot of us want to do our part for a "better" world, and I'm just curious as to why every time that comes up the main solution to it is to just throw money at it. I mean just exactly that, not food, jobs, or clothing, just currency itself. Thow money at stuff and hope it does something.

The obligatory 9/11 post.

Since every other person in the known universe is making one of these now, I might as well jump on the bandwagon and make my own, you know? Sorry if I seem mean-spirted, actually no I'm not, but nothing quite earns my ire more than talking about 9/11 with some people. So, you know what? Just to be different, I'm not going to say anything about 9/11! Okay, I will say this, it was a bitch and it shouldn't take a degree in Latin to figure out the link between terrorist and terror!

My biggest problem with 9/11 isn't that the towers fell, it's that right after when a bunch of people we all gathering around, trying to deal with thier emotions on what the fuck just happened, and all of this sudden this odor starts to come up form behind. Until, finally, we have all these people going on National (fucking) Television blaming any little group that they please: Jews, Blacks, Gays, Femisits, Whites, Bush Jr., Immigrants, and pretty much any group no matter how ridiculus it might seem. That is my biggest gripe with 9/11, is that right after it happened everybody had a conspriacy theory as to what the hell just happened, and in stead of shutting up and letting people deal with the gravity of what just happened; they all opened up thier mouths and let the bullshit flow. I mean, shit, we just got kicked in the balls, people deserve time to sit back and just take in the pure gravity of what happened.

The reason that I'm typing this is because I thought that all of this (more specifically, most of it [there always has to be that one group left over]) was over. Ho ho, was I ever wrong, yeah, don't you just love it when Life gives you a huge kick to your grill? Check this out, it's today and well I'm happy because, thus far, nobody has asulted me with their whole conspiracy theory as to what the fuck happened today. It's sort of become a tradition that every time this date rolls around, someone has to slap me upside my head with THIER version of what fucking happened. So I'm going to dinner and I'm thinking to myself, "Holy shit, this must be the first year where I don't have to deal with a conspriacy theorist."

Yet, just like God has reached down and singled me out to be his bitch for today, I overhear someone say:
"I just don't see what two towers falling has to do with people dying for my freedom"
Immediatley I think, "Oh shit, here we go again," so not wanting to get involved in another pointless argument with a conspiracy theorist, I make a mad dash for the elevator and jam the 1rst floor button. The rest played out like this:

"Come on, Come on, dammit! Close already!"
The doors start to close.
"Yes!"
The doors are finishing closing just as the Theorist and the Listener makes thier apperance.
"Aw, Fuck! SHIT! NO!"
The Theorist has just enough time to put his hand in the door, opening them.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit."

Thankfully they were kind enough to hold on thier conversation during the elevator ride, and I was able to run fast enought in the other direction when we got off so I didn't get involved.

You know what? I'm a conspriacy theory buff, alien abductions? Sign me up! Bigfoot? Currently renting out the guest bedroom. Loch Ness Monster? Hell-fucking-yes. And even I think that what most of you people say is complete nonsense. Yet it's been five years since this incident, and we still have people walking around having a hard time accepting that what happened is what actually happened (as in the stuff that CAN'T be denied as happening). I've come to terms with what has happened, other people haven't and, hey, they can think whatever they want to think about this. So the last thing we need, again, is someone spewing a complete nonsense theory out into the air. So here is a crazy thought, how about before you spill your guts out the world, you actually think about what you are about to say? Seems crazy but it just might work.

Since the next time an event like this goes down and you people do on the air spilling the same crap we've already heard before. Don't be suprised if someone puts a wrench sized dent upside your forhead. Hell they might actually knock some sense into that empty space you call a brain, or so we hope.

How many times can the news cover it within a minute?

I'm kind of glad that I don't watch or for that matter really read the paper. It's not the whole, "OMG LOL! THE NEWS HAS LIED TO US!" stuff that gets to me. It's just that once anything, of even remote national interst is hit, it's like we have struck a oil well. The stuff just keeps on poring out without any signs that it's going to stop soon.

Honestly how much does the news need to beat a dead horse until they finally realize that there is nothing else to cover on the topic? Twenty news stations, and they are all covering the same story.

Red means stop.

It hasn't even been a week yet and I've already seen more than five people with a death wish, and all somehow want to die by being hit by, or being in, a car crash. The thing is that any kid over ten should have better sense than these people; we're talking about some of the most basic rules of the rules. It's not like we're asking them to parallel park, or to at least be handicapped when the use a handicapped parking spot. No this is pretty much, stop on red, yield on yellow, go on green, and don't walk out in the middle of fucking rush-hour traffic when cars are still streaming past.

There's this roundabout that I have to pass by pretty much every single day, and people seem to have no idea as to just how a roundabout is supposed to function. First, there is a big YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS sign, right next to the crosswalk, so when you see a pedestrian walking across the crosswalk you YIELD, or if the pedestrian is slow or having trouble getting across the crosswalk you STOP. You do not constantly edge forward in an apparent threat to run their ass over if they don't hurry up. Second, there is a reason there is a right lane at the begging of the roundabout, that is for people that just need to turn right and DON'T have to use the roundabout; so if your in the other lane, it may not be illegal to turn right, but it is damn asinine if you ask me. It's just a simple right turn, it's not like we're asking you to perform a Michigan Left (a Michigan Left is actually a right turn, and a U-turn done to turn left [don't ask, our road system was probably designed by drunken monkeys]) or anything. Thirdly, I know from personal experience that almost all drivers don't use their turn signals; however, since a roundabout's exits can generally be taken without much need to slow down, you should give some kind of signal (other than the screeching of your brakes) that you're about to go all Evel Knievel on us. Now this is just the start of what is my day, trust me it gets a lot better, or worse, depending upon your point of view.

For example, cars have all stopped to let someone pass at an intersection that again, has a sign proudly declaring YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS. All of sudden another car comes along in the other lane, completely ignoring the fact that the other lane has probably stopped for a reason; this car is just trucking' along and then the pedestrian exits out of the first lane, and starts to enter the next. The end result of which is a squeal of tires, and one guy who came within no more than two feet from being hit (and will probably never give the fact that he almost died a second thought).

Not that pedestrians are any better, there is a reason that we have those don't walk and walk signs; they're straightforward in what you should be doing right? Also of course, people do realize that signs that say YIELD TO PEDEDSTRIANS don't apply if the car is ten feet from the sign don't they? So, why do I see people wander out into the middle of a busy intersection looking like they are trying to re-enact a scene from, "The Truman Show," you do know that it was just movie, don't you? Oh, and I don't care how good you are at, Frogger, but those physics don't apply here, and last time I checked you weren't a frog.

So here it is, I'm at this middle-of-the-road crosswalk/traffic-signal waiting to cross two lanes of traffic (going both ways) that are going by at good clip, and again this random guy shows up at the other side of the crosswalk. He stands there for a bit, waiting for the sign to change, and then he just walks out while traffic is still going on, and a car is coming right at him. Now for just a quick recap, this guy is walking out into the middle of two-way traffic, the light for the cars is still, very much so, green, pedestrians still have a red light, and car is heading right for him. You're probably thinking SPLAT! Right?

Well, the car is actually able to stop in time, with good distance to spare, and the random guy just walks on completely oblivious to the fact of what he just did. Oh, and the final kicker is that shortly after he crossed, and the car in question went on its way, the sign changed to WALK.

It's bad enough that we have to deal with people using their cell phones while driving, and riding a bike (I'm not shitting you on that, if you don't believe me), but now I'm expected to have to start my day and explain to people that I'm late because I had to be a witness to some random person becoming street pizza!? I can just imagine how my some of my bosses would react to that:

Boss: Why are you late, you overpaid ingrate?
Me: There was an accident, and I had to stay to be a witness.

Or

Me: Oh nothing, I was just in the bathroom throwing up my digestive tract - after seeing somebody complete eviscerated!
Boss: Ah, I don't care, just get back to work.

Well I'm just glad that I can take some solstice in the fact that if I was ever to be run over because someone was talking on their cell phone, they would at least be able to call for help on their cell phone - That is if they weren't so busy phoning their friends to tell them that they just hit somebody.

Laughing at yourself.

I'm just curious as to when it stopped being okay to laugh at yourself, and some of the generic things that get attributed to being you. Since when did it become such a crime to have a little chuckle because a foreigner amongst a speech given in his native language all of a sudden decided to unceremoniously pronounce the words election day, as erection day. Are we not supposed to even think about having so much as a chuckle, just because it would be so impolite to even admit to ourselves that we found it even the least bit funny? Are we so afraid to laugh at something like this; that we can't even convince ourselves that we'd actually just be laughing at the fact of the speaker being all serious and the blowing it, instead of the actual L into R itself?
You know what, I've grown up with a lot of comedians were that was their entire shtick, was to just poke fun at themselves and just the stupidity of the things that got tied to them. Even today we have comedians like Dave Chappelle pointing out the just pure and sure stupidity of the idiosyncrasy that we put on each other. So when I'm sitting on my couch watching Dave Chappelle, I'm laughing with him at all this stupid crap that we tie to each other.
Yet in the same way that Dave Chappelle walked away from his show because he thought people laughing more AT the characters that were played, I can see why it just isn't okay for us to just laugh at our own stupid stereotyping. Isn't it odd that people like John Stewart have more pull in today's society than the actual news anchors themselves? So who's to say that if comedians start to all rely upon generic profiles that we may actually start to believe that the profile is true, because there is a definitively fine line between humor and just outright racism.

This is Orange Bomb, you're drunken, anally retentive blogger, and that's just all.