Signs

When all of sudden two of the biggest things that you don't really need in your life right now, all of a sudden both happen in less than two hours. You have to realize that something dosen't bode very well for your future.

Pointless

Isn't it odd when you know that something is completely pointless, where no matter what you due afterward the outcome will always be the same. You still find yourself trying to giveyourself some hope by telling yourself that it won't happen.

I've just been mulling over this fact that I will, not maybe, or might, but will be kicked out of here in less than a month's time. Trying to put some form of perspective on this, and yet no matter how one looks at it, it just doesn't make any logical sense. For when I'm able to get up and do what I'm theoretically supposed to be doing, I do it quite well, stars, and smiley faces, and all that crap. Yet when life decideds to rear it's ugly head again, which is more often than not; I find myself consumed with other people's problems that start to become my problem because I just can't turn a blind eye to them, and I can't help it if I feel like I should due something about it. Three days of mulling this stuff over have finally resulted in one final realization as to the severity of this problem:

I'm going to be kicked out of here and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

Granted I'm still pissed about the whole thing, and I think I have a damn good right to be. I mean, a boss fired me because I did everything that he told me to do; who in thier right mind is going to say that this is okay to do? Yet for some odd reason, despite the fact that I'm pissed, there is an odd feeling of placidity about this whole thing. For as it's been said before, I know better.

I know where all the little mistakes were made, both mine and everyone elses. I don't think, but I know that I could have done a lot better without all those little mistakes that keep on popping up. Yet whoever is in charge around here only has a point, that's right a point, not unlike the full stop found at the end of this sentance. In order to determine my usefullness in being down here, and if that little dot doesn't match up with the standards of all the other little dots; than by all means get thee the hell out of yonder place. That's all that I'm going to be judged upon, is wether or not my little dot is going to match up with the standards set for all the other little dots that live here.

You know, forget the fact that all those other little dots haven't had to go what I've been going threw because that's just completely pointless and has postivley no bearing on how well I can preform or all you know.

Yet in the end, all of this is just so pointless and trivial. What my little dot isn't measuring up to the standard set for all the little dots in the world? Big whoop. In the end all I have to do is go someplace else and try again if I really feel like, or I could just make the big leap and forget all this shit altogether and take a shot into the dark.

What I do here is going to influence the rest of my life, it's going to shake the very foundation of what I know and light the pathway of everything I'm going to be doing in the future?

...Ha! It is to laugh.

More notes and shit.

It's always funny when someone at a lack of words to describe the dreg and the offal that has been leaking off of this thing that we call humanity always just gives up and says,"The world is messed up," like if they say it, then they are able to validate the fact that at some point in the world we actually had it. That we can all sit back and pretend that there used to be a time when all this fucked up shit just wasn't happening in the world, like we can pull the covers over our head and say to ourselves that it all just isn't happening, even though we can still here the voices yelling at screaming around us. Not at us, oh no, that would be too much for some of the brains on earth to handle, but around us. So no matter how things get around us we can always feel some semblance of peace just in the fact that it isn't happening to us, some little fucking factor of disconnect between eachother that allows us to turn a blind eye to the matter and never realize that it is happening to us.

We may not realize it, but there are things in the world that are always happening to us. They sit back inside of that body of your's like a sleeping, malignant tumor. Waiting for just the right moment to wake up and start eating away your fleash right from the bone, in one of the most painful things that you will every experience.

You think that things war and animal cruelty are some of the most messed up things in life? Ha, screw that noise! You can scar something physically and it can go away over time; scarring something mentaly, now there we have something that will really produce some fucked up shit.

Do you want to know what the biggest danger is to you right now? It's not some evil-doers over in the middle of some far of land, it's not someone who decided to create a nuke to compete with a whole army of nukes that could be aimed at them at any moment, it's your brain. That's right, the biggest danger to you right now is that clump of gray matter sitting right below your skull.

It's the thing that blinds you to the fact that your not as immune as you think to all those little problems in the world that you've turned a blind eye too. It fails to make you realize that just because you have to take an hour train ride every day, your life is very far from the hell that you think it is. It makes you feel safe watching a horror movie, because it fills you with an odd sense that the killer on screen could never exist in the world as we know it.

Which are outright lies, just put your thoughts to work for once considering this; there are no less than two million human brains on earth, and you mean to tell me that one of them has fallen ill? There are people that love to behead animals just to watch their bodies squirm afterwards, before rigor mortis sets in. People kill eachother over such simple shit as putting your hand up in the wrong way. Messed up, doesn't even begin to cover it.

Messed up, implies that the world is mearly like a jumbled 15 puzzle; that all the pieces are there and locked in place. The only problem is that the pieces are now all shuffled about and have to be put back together mearly by the simple process of sliding everything back into place. The world, as it is, is very far from that; the world is a puzzle that has had it's pieces dumped out, and then had those pieces blown into bits, and then the bits blown into even smaller bits. Saying that the world is messed up doesn't even begin to scratch the surface as to what truely lurks behind closed doors and inside of the backs of people's heads.

Why do you think I despise Zombie, because he smells funny and is the Couch-Potato incarnate? No, that is very far from it. I despise Zombie because he has surrended everything he his to any despotic notion that comes his way. Zombie drinks, smokes, comsumes pornography, and masturbates feverishly to it, all because someone has told him too. Zombie has since surrended his brain and let it be turned into mush by any despotic notion that comes along. Zombie is the perfect bastardazation of another person's thoughts, he does what he is told, he does not look for flaws in obvioulsy flawed ideas, he seeks no other human interaction what so ever, all he does is fallow any despotic idea that gets jammed into his head.

I watch him now, not out of interest, but out of an odd sense as to just how easily one could manipulate him. It's strange to think that someone wispering sweet nothings into his ears at night could probably be able to dictate everything that he would do the fallowing day. How easy it would be to suggest things, now that the scars have set in.

Life has been good to me.

This actually has more to due with the whole probability thing I just posted, but what the hell I'm going to post it anyway. I've just been sitting back for a bit and pondering about the things that have happened in my life and how they've put me where I am now, just those random things in life that all seem to have happened by chance without us knowing. Brought part of this up in a previous post, but it was put amongst a swath of other information, so this is just going to be a quick refresher.

You see, I'm currently no less than a month and a half away from being kicked out from where I am. However, the odd part of this is that the reason that I'm being kicked out for, mostly isn't my fault to begin with. I know that I'm going to be kicked out because whoever is pulling the strings behind my back thinks that I can't preform at the standard required, and views me as just another person who couldn't cut it; which is kind of bullshit since I know otherwise. So I'm not freaking out about all this, because somewhere in the back of my mind I know that most of this isn't my fault. I know where I screwed up, but at the same time I know what problems were someone elses fault.

So I guess it would be best to begin at like the first big curveball that hit right? Well here is how it worked out, I had just gotten down here and had gotten paired up with one of my first roomates Thief. To save on time let us cut to the chase, during one large project where I had to make more than 40 copies, to cover four sheets of posterboard, and had more than enought change to cover the copies. Thief walks away with all my money for the 40 copies and leaves me scrounging around for just enough change to make 20 copies, and the results were disastrous.

When I look back though, it's wierd to think that Thief didn't just pick any moment to steal my money. Thief was somehow able to find the exact moment when it would be the most inconvenient for me to have my cash nicked. The one moment out of the entire three months that I knew him, that would be the most troublesome.

Stuff like this has gone on for a year, stupid little inconveniences made by other people that somehow all end up being solely my fault for letting them happen. It felt kind of like trying to explain drug addiction to someone who has never had a drug addiction; occasionally you feel like something has stuck, but in the end they really have no idea what drug addiction is like.

Now we take this recent event, again another big project, with another big key item involved, a Macbook. Now personally, do to things beyond my control, I don't have a Mac, so I had to borrow one from a public lab. Everything is going pretty well, I've got a good chunk of information and sources stored, the project is coming along nicely, even though I've spent most of the first day on it doing reasearch. Yet come another day, to be specific, one of the last work days before the project is due, and I find that the Mac that I was using was gone. Now this means that everything, all sources, information, bibliographic references, pictures, video, web bookmarks, the incomplete project, everything, is now gone and I'm back to square one with a deadline right around the corner.

I don't know what in Buddah's name I must have done to piss off whoever I did, but I must have done something to deserve this. Since when I look around me, everyone else seems to have thier Macbook and the only one that is missing is the one that had all my stuff on it. I'm not looking for sympathy here, I'm mearly just stating the facts of what has happened to me by what appears to be just random chance.

Honestly I know it's probably a bad thing to actually want this to happen, but I just can't wait for the next big project to come around that will help decided if I get kicked out of here or not; just to see what the next inconvenience will be, and just as to how whoever is in charge will react to it. So I guess we're all just going to have to wait and see what ends up happening purely by chance.

The probablity of luck, and stuff happening to you.

Every take time out of your day to take a look at some of the probablities that are at work around you? By which the course that we're talking about is just like looking at someone walking one day, and thinking of every little possible (and some impossible) actions that this person might end up taking. The chances that the will turn left, the chance to turn right, chance to move back, forward, start running, stop completly, walk backwards, check watch, fall, get up, skip, so on and such forth. That is the probablity that we're talking about.

Someone starts to play a boy-band CD, quite loud I might add, in a computer lab one day, and to top of thier own sillyness they are actually signing along in a drunken chorus oblivious to the world around them. Until suddenly even before the first song is over with the computer makes a sound, not unlike a vinyl record screetch, and the entire computer just locks up into one big, staring, blue screen of death. Leaving the wannabe Justin Timberlake to just stare stupidly at his computer that just froze up, all from just playing one boy-band CD.

Probability is odd, even when you think you have all chocies figured out something else can show up and baffle your mind. There are things in this world that we view to be impossible and this is only because the probablitiy of such an event happening is so high that we just don't think that it every will happen. Yet unless we can trully eliminate that one option and say that it will positivley never happen, as in that there is litteraly 0% chance of it happening, that one event can still in effect happen.

Did you Vote? More importantly did your vote get counted? (More Movie Stuff)

Been watching a lot of movies lately and just sort of sitting around pondering and composing various things about life instead of doing what people tell me to do. I'm probably going to get into deep shit with the superiors that have been assigned to me, yet screw it. I feel good, not a fake kind of good either, but the real sort of, "my soul feels cleansed, without any need for Jesus," kind of good. Yet that's not why I'm here today, I'm here to tell you people about some movies that just came across my way.

First we have, "Who killed the Electric Car," and interesting film, espcially if your wondering how long it's going to take us to get new hybrid Hydrogen/Gas cars onto the road. Even if your just constantly sick of having to pay $3 per gallon instead of just the Diesel car in general, it's still an interesting watch just to see what truly went into killing one of our alternative cars.

Yet I'm moreover here to talk about something that has recently been in the knews, voting. Oh yes, us Americans truly do love our elections don't we? We put out a bunch of adds telling us who we should vote for, and several more that are prompting us out to vote telling us how important each and every voter is. So that's why I'm putting this next movie (or more accurately, TV documentary) called, "Hacking Democracy." Now I'm going to try to keep my own personal opinions about voting out of the fallowing, but I admit that it is going to be kind of hard.

If your reading this, than I take it that you have a computer of some sort, and a internet connection. Also I take it that since you are currently here on a blog; that should mean that you are competent enought to at least know what in the world hacking is, or that you should be competent enought to do a search to find out just what in the world hacking is. So I'm just going to skip over explaing just what in the world hacking is. Yet if you have no idea as to just what in the world the process of hacking is, just type it into a search and take some time to figure that out. Don't worry I'll still be here when you come back.

Hacking Democracy, is one look as to why voter irregularities seem to be showing up so much. Yet a good majority of the movie is spent looking at the safety of using those electronic voting machines that we constantly find being employed to count our votes accurately. Just as to how easy it would be to honestly hack one of the machines and change the outcome of an entire election. It doesn't have any of the quality or flair of any Hollywood documentary, yet it's still an interesting watch as to see just how stable our voting system really is.

Many people will probably never end up watching Hacking Democracy do thanks to thier iron-clad belief that the voting system is infallible, or they'll just think that the movie is propaganda from the other side and that all it's doing is whinning about having lost some election or some key state. Do you know what I have to say about that?

Hackers have been able to hack cell-phones, and pretty much anything electronic.
So shut the fuck up about your party affiliation a bit and watch the damn film.

Suddenly...

LUCHADORES! Hundreds of them!

Stealing something illegal

Okay so check this out, turns out that people are starting to rip off Graffiti and the morality compass on this is going haywire. Not that major corporations ripping off ideas is anything new, but something is definatley wrong with this picture. Here's a sum up as to how I see the morality of this thing; someone puts a graffiti piece on a wall, which is illegal, but since it is still documented the Graffitist in question can be said to have ownership of the idea; Then someone comes along, and steals a illegal piece of art, puts it on a T-shirt and makes money off of a stolen idea.

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SCREW IT! I can't find any real way the morality goes here. Despite the ambiguous morality of the entire situation, yet I think it says someting about today's world when well respected companies are nicking and biting other people's work. Moreover for that matter, illegal art, so if someone wanted to bring them to court about it; the Grafittist would be arrested well the Fat Cat would walk free, since the Graffitti was illegal to begin with and probably wasn't protected by any such bull termonology like "intellectual property" or "copyright laws."

Dammit.

Reverse Graffiti

Reverse Graffiti (Google it, I don't have a link) which has just hit the news, is the process of creating Graffiti by using nothing but soap, water, and some elbow grease. Yes, that's right, it's a wall piece done by using cleaning products. The catch is though is that you need to live someplace with enough grime and dirt to make it work, like a long traffic tunnel or something. Just anyplace around town where dirt and grim collects.

What's interseting about Reverse Graffiti though is that it's pretty much legal. It still is vandalism since you are going out and putting something on a wall without consent of the owner, but how do you punish someone for (and here is the big thing) cleaning up after trash made by other people? You're preforming a community service, and at the same time putting up a Graffiti tag. Just think for a minute, what is a cop supposed to do when he finds someone writing Graffiti by cleaning the surface of a wall? You can't arrest someone for cleaning something now can you?

I'm just going to find this funny if it catches on and all of a sudden one of the biggest groups going out and helping the world, is a bunch of Reverse Graffiti writers going out cleaning stuff up. Some people get the notion that all Graffiti aritists and writers are just a bunch of hoodlums, and this just goes to show that not all of us are.

Looking down at people

Little People, a unique art project not unlike that guy who creates Graffiti on walls by cleaning off the grime on the walls (I don't have a good link, so just search for, "Reverse Graffiti," and you should find something.). The entire project is based in the United Kingdom and is kind of like what Space-Invader does, the pieces are small, generally out of the way, so when you find one you find one you can't help but feel like you've finally found Waldo or something. So unless you are familiar with the greater part of the U.K., then you'll probably have to look for a very long time to find one these Little People.

However, with the coming winter season, you have to wonder as to just what is going to happen to these Little People. Don't know how bad the winter is in the U.K., and when the snow comes just what will happen to this project? Hate to see one of these things meet the recieving end of a shovel. Yet such is the fate of Graffiti to be covered over and destoryed soon after it is put up.